Women Against Abuse

Most of you probably don’t remember turning 6 years old, but I do. I turned 6 at midnight on September 1, 2004 in a police station. Some detectives of the South district were singing happy birthday to me, while others were taking pictures of the bruises on my mom’s face.

My dad was arrested that night after a huge fight between him and my mom that ended with my 8-year-old brother, Dillon, throwing himself in-between the two of them to stop them. I don’t remember anything else about that night until I saw the two of them tangled in the vestibule of our house and heard my mom screaming. I was so young that I honestly don’t remember any other situations like this between my parents, but it was clear to me in that moment that this was not the first time. It was obvious that my mom had gone to great lengths to keep this secret from Dillon and me so that we never felt different from other families – My dad was a drug addict, and my family was falling apart.

My dad never spent another night in our house, because my mom made the tough decision of raising my brother and I on her own.

My mom has made it a point to always want the best for me and my brother, and this situation was no different. It would have been easy for my mom to not talk about what had happened in her relationship or just move on, but this was not something she wanted our family to forget about. She made sure that we were aware of the effects of domestic violence, one of them being the way that this one night made me feel. She never wanted me to think a relationship like that is normal. We worked together as a family to listen to each other and learn how to communicate our emotions, even anger, but most importantly we have focused on kindness and empathy.

My childhood experience is the reason that I’ve kept a heightened awareness during my teenage years to the prevalence of domestic violence, since I have witnessed first-hand the results of an abusive relationship. As I get to know someone I could potentially date, I look for characteristics such as trust, healthy boundaries and respect. With intensity and emotions running high in teen relationships, along with the unfortunate example of domestic violence in many households, it’s easy for teens to perpetuate the cycle; however, I believe if more teens focus on healthy relationships, physical and mental abuse can be avoided.

I want my friends and classmates – especially those from St. Joe’s Prep and Manor College – to know how easy it can be to fall into an abusive relationship. I want them to know about the resources, such as the Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline, available to them if they do find themselves in a bad situation or know somebody that is. And most of all, I want them to understand what a healthy relationship is, so they can be safe and happy. We MUST interrupt the cycle of domestic violence with education.

So that’s why I’m pledging. I pledge to talk about this and be more direct with my friends about abusive relationships. I pledge to talk about domestic abuse in teen relationships. I pledge to raise my voice as a male survivor and say that love deserves respect. You can make a difference too, by advocating for survivors, like sticking up for them around your friends or family, and most importantly BELIEVING survivors when they tell you about abuse. Join me today in pledging to end relationship violence.