The Language We Use

Domestic or intimate partner violence?

In the domestic violence service field, there are many different ways to describe relationship violence. Throughout this site you will see an interchanging of “domestic violence” and “intimate partner violence.”

What’s the difference and why do we use both phrases?

Domestic violence refers to violence among people in a domestic situation, and can thus include not only a spouse or partner, but also siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

Intimate partner violence is more specific in describing violence perpetrated by a partner in a romantic or dating relationship. This sort of abuse is Women Against Abuse’s primary focus; however, the descriptor “intimate partner violence” is a more recent term. Many people still consider “domestic violence” as referring in fact to intimate/dating partners. It’s a nuanced issue, and until the general public begins using a more inclusive term, we have decided to use both phrases interchangeably when we discuss relationship violence.

Furthermore, we recognize that abuse occurs within a spectrum of relationships, and it is our intention to ensure that anyone that is in an abusive relationship will be able to access interventions. Some of these relationships include: sex trafficking; relationships described as "hooking up," "dating;" "friends with benefits," or other terminology; abuse within an institutional setting; and other abusive relationships where there is a pattern of coercive (use of force or threats) behaviors or tactics utilized against the victim with a purpose of gaining and keeping power or control over them.

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Victim/Survivor

How do we describe individuals who seek help during or after they have left a violent relationship? The word "victim" is used by members of law enforcement and within the context of courtroom proceedings, but for many of our organizations, "survivor" speaks to the sense of empowerment our coordinated response aims to encourage in the people we serve. In the end, it is imperative to follow the lead of the person seeking support, since the journey from victim to survivor is unique to each person. To that end, many are beginning to use the term Victim/Survivor (V/S) to represent this continuum.

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Clear and Respectful Communication

A key part of building trust with survivors is using the names, terms, and descriptions they provide for themselves, their partners, and their situations. Following their lead ensures that communication is client-centered, accurate, and supportive. If you’re unsure what language to use, it’s always okay to ask respectfully or simply mirror the words the survivor uses. If a mistake is made, acknowledge it, correct it, and continue the conversation with care. At Women Against Abuse, we want every person we work with to feel seen, heard, and respected. Centering survivors in how we talk about them and their relationships is one way to create a safe and empowering environment.